How to Date a Female River Guide

Posted on Friday, May 30th, 2014
How to Date a Female River Guide
You’ve probably heard by now that dating a river guide is not recommended. However, if you decide that you want to date one anyway, here are some tips to make it a successful relationship. 
You aren’t her only love.
She loves the river. She loves her car, and her boat, and the sun. She will love the rain too, and the adventure. More than likely, she loves a few other humans as well. It is in your best interest to accept that while she loves all these things and places (and yes, people) she will always love you, and if you are in a real and committed relationship you should never have to worry that those loves will get in the way. 
Get used to grungy.
It’s true that river guide women can clean up well, but don’t expect them to. Don’t be afraid of the fact that she wears the same skirt every day all summer long. If it’s functional, why change it? Along those same lines, try to see the sexiness in ponytails, peeing in the river, and going all summer without wearing makeup. Embrace the tan lines, the callused hands, and the smell of river gear that hasn’t been washed (or completely dried) in a few months. 
Don’t be afraid of a strong woman.
It is very possible that by the end of the summer your woman will be stronger than you. After all, she has been hang-cleaning rubber rafts onto bus roofs all summer and maneuvering boats with six people all twice her size, but don’t forget about the strong personality. Not only does she get paid to boss people around all day, she is constantly surrounded by other people with similarly strong personalities. Be willing to sit back and let her rant every once in a while. 
Accept the silence.
Most of the time, your river guide will be in places without cell phone service or internet, or maybe they dropped their phone in the water (again). It could be lost (in their car buried under everything they own) or dead with no way to charge it. It’s also possible that they’re just too busy to turn it on. Old fashioned letters are a great way to communicate, if you have a reliable place to send mail. Otherwise, just know they are thinking about you even when you haven’t had any communication in a month. Enjoy the break! It’s only a few months every year and then you will get her undivided attention.